Being one’s “authentic self” sounds like such a good thing. It gets talked about a lot. People say they want to be…
“Real”.
“Brave”.
“Aware”.
“Unique”.
And it feels impossible…
What does it look like? For me being authentic is messy. It’s a juxtaposition of anger and vulnerability, honesty and lies, deep pain and survival. Righteousness and hypocrisy. It’s hard. One day my “authentic self” is a mess, and the next, everything is in control.
Light and dark.
Balance.
Surrender.
Faith.
Courage.
As Jesus gets closer, and the light gets brighter…darkness gets harder and harder to tolerate. Seeing someone act out in hypocrisy makes me want to weep. How can one profess one thing in one place, and act in a totally different way somewhere else? But do I even have any right to watch and contemplate this? What makes my behavior different?
Hence, the confusion…
The westernization of christianity has watered down the gospel in so many ways. Mixing the “american dream” and the gospel of Jesus is rampant. Grace has been redefined as “permission”. Sin is not a word spoken much anymore. It makes us uncomfortable. And we don’t like being uncomfortable. We want to be happy. We want it all. Jesus, and the fun of being popular…! Being lukewarm is something we don’t even see anymore. Being a two-faced christian is so common, and in that we fit in. Being “spiritual” is much more acceptable. Going to church is okay as long as it doesn’t affect your life Monday to Saturday. Hanging out with other Christians is also alright, as long as your friends in the world don’t label you as “one of those.”
Revelation 3:15-19 (NLT), “I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other! But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth! You say, ‘I am rich. I have everything I want. I don’t need a thing!’ And you don’t realize that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked. So I advise you to buy gold from me—gold that has been purified by fire. Then you will be rich. Also buy white garments from me so you will not be shamed by your nakedness, and ointment for your eyes so you will be able to see. I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference.
Our culture has even made the word “discipline” wrong…after all, we are all entitled to believe what we want, and behave how we like. Our God shouldn’t discipline, He should just love us, right? And He should give us what we want, because we are His children. Sad, isn’t it?
“Lukewarm people don’t really want to be saved from their sin; they want only to be saved from the penalty of their sin.” – Francis Chan.
Truth!
May my search for authenticity be rooted in my search for Jesus. As He sees me, I should see myself. Someone who falters, doubts and sins…and begs for discipline and forgiveness. As someone who loves Jesus and truth so much, that they are willing to lose everything, or to look a fool in the eyes of this world. My soul craves this…I weep at the want of a life that is messy, but true. Authentically saved by Jesus.
He didn’t die for me that I could have a life of fun. He died to save me.
He gives joy, peace, and courage!
A life worth living…
And that is enough!