I have been a christian for over 40 years. In that time I have had the opportunity to serve in ministry, be it as an MK (missionary kid), elders wife, counseling teacher, cook at the church camp or even being a missionary. But it’s only in the last 6 months that I have fallen in love.
Yes, fallen for Jesus.
What happened? How can I be a professing follower of Jesus, and not have loved Him for the entire time?
They say that confession is good for the soul, and in releasing our shame and hurt by talking about it, we become freer.
We become more empathetic.
More approachable.
Vulnerable.
And that is true freedom. There are no more secrets. I found that keeping secrets, be it from others or myself, I couldn’t open up to being vulnerable. The walls had to stay up, and the moat was always full of water…they was no getting in. Or out.
Coming before God and man, and releasing the shame and the guilt tore down those walls. The Son finally could shine in, and warm me up in love. I could feel unconditional love, there was no where else to go or look, except up. There was nothing left to hide. People’s opinions no longer mattered. Only the opinion of Jesus matters, and He loves me to the core.
He has loved me from before conception. He has always had a plan for me, and has been waiting for me to just surrender.
Jer. 1:5 “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.”
Psalm 139:13-14 “For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.…”
There is no shame in being “real” and imperfect. None of us is clean of sin or shame. We all carry secrets. We believe those lies that we don’t matter, and that we can’t serve God because we are so full of badness. Then the same sins keep coming up and we are weak and can’t resist. Those are the barriers that anchor us down, and for many it renders us useless.
Romans 8:38 “And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.”
Understanding this love took me over 40 years. I knew it, and could quote that verse, as well as others, but it wasn’t in the marrow of my soul and being. I had to give up all the ideas I had of who I was, and who I wanted to be…and even who I wanted others to think I was, before this verse really sunk in. Only then could I understand that love.
He loves me because He created me.
I am no accident.
No matter what I DO for Him will change His mind about me.
I can just be me…and putty in His hands.
That is true LOVE!